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Thursday, September 3rd, 2009
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2:24 pm
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So I'm in a cafe on Robson street. I walked here from Point Grey and plan to walk back. I don't have a permanent place to live yet, but I get to house sit for my aunt and uncle to the end of September.
Went to a UBC advisor and she promptly exempted me from a bunch of courses and forced me into the ones that were full. I think it's going to work out well! And I don't have to take the year-long calculus for dummies course that I thought I had to take! I still have to take calculus, but it's applications in forestry and it's only one semester. What a relief.
In short... I'm very happy right now. It feels very good to start over from scratch.
current mood:  optimistic
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| Sunday, August 16th, 2009
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7:13 pm - It's been too long.
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Too long since I wrote in this.
I'm still writing in my other blog occasionally... most of my days here at the station are pretty similar so I don't feel compelled to write all the time.
I'm sitting here in the darkness, listening to the sound of the forest all around me. And the music playing on Temba's laptop. The lights are all out... we have to conserve electricity over here or it goes out. Beans is sniffing at my feet, waiting for me to drop some food.
I go home in just over a week, and I'm really scared about it.
I was still feeling unsure about going back to school at UBC. I am now about a thousand dollars in debt so I obviously didn't think I could afford it. So I applied for a student loan half heartedly... and apparently the government is willing to give me $14,000. And... only $7k of that is a loan, the rest is a grant!
So I guess I may as well give it a try? I do want to get out of Edmonton. I mean, I will miss my friends all terribly, but it is so important for me to not get back into the rut that I was in.
Case and I still both here at the station, rearing caterpillars together. Things are almost back to normal between us. I know we'll still be friends, and who knows, perhaps we will end up back together someday. But our relationship had really not been great for a while. Not that we were fighting a lot... just that we wanted different things, I guess.
I did end up emailing Tim again and I told him how much I had valued the time we spent together. He wrote me back an incredibly sweet email and called us "email buddies". Said he was touched and told me I am an amazing girl. So I wrote him back again... Annndddd.... nothing? I don't understand guys.
Well I miss you guys! Looking forward to seeing you all again, even though I may be only back for a week or so, depending. School, if I end up there, starts on September 8th. I still don't have a place to live, so who knows? At any rate, it's not that expensive to come back to Edmonton, I know I'll be back frequently!
Anyway, looks like we may be going on a night walk soon.
Back in Edmonton soon!
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| Saturday, May 30th, 2009
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2:11 pm
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Gee this is becoming my whining journal isn't it? Ha!
Wanted to say thanks to you guys who commented on my last entry. You are totally right. I went to the English Gardens this morning and felt way better. I think I will go to Nuremburg in the next few days, for something different!
Guess I was bogged down in the planning process. Needed to take some time to actually enjoy the place.
Holy crap am I not looking forward to calling my mom though. She is gonna freak out!
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| Friday, May 29th, 2009
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8:03 pm - So lonely...
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Why the hell did I do this?
I am so lonely and Deborah just left yesterday morning.
My money is draining faster than I can keep track of it and I ended up in expensive Western Europe?
I am still in Munich and will be for a few more days. Thinking of going to Nurenburg next as it is a bit cheaper.
On June 6 I fly to Marrakesh.
But I am so sad.
I am spending all my time planning and worrying, and not having any fun.
Why do I do these things to myself?
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| Monday, April 13th, 2009
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5:15 pm - Headaches.
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Headache headache headache.
It's all I can think about.
I have had a headache and upper neck pain constantly for almost a month now. Some times are better than others. Some times are really bad, like this past Saturday when I was forced to take a muscle relaxant and go to bed at 7:30pm.
No painkillers have even touched the pain, not even prescription painkillers. Doctors seem unconcerned. Went to a chiropractor after a strong recommendation from a co-worker. Two sessions, since then, my neck pain is much improved, but now my head just hurts more! I will try a massage this week, and back to the doctor to beg for something else.
I leave on my grand trip, the culmination of years of planning, in less than a week. I was supposed to be making my biggest dream come true.
But I've been having doubts, thinking about cancelling, delaying, and so on. I guess I will still go and hope that nothing happens. But with constant pain, how much will I be able to enjoy this chance-of-a-lifetime?
Hell, I QUIT MY JOB for this!
What if I actually have something very wrong with me? I will have no job and no insurance. I have travel insurance, of course, but what if something happens to me while I'm out somewhere remote?
Packing is going very poorly as a result for this, I'm afraid I'll be leaving a lot of work behind for Case to take care of.
It all feels so incredibly unfair. I mean, just getting this trip off the ground was unbelievably difficult, and I doubted so many times that I'd be able to pull everything together. And then everything looked like it would work out...
And now this.
It sucks.
I kinda wish I had been sent for a CT scan, it would at least ease my worries if it came back clear. But I guess it's too late for that now.
All I can do is hope for the best!
6 days...
current mood:  worried
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| Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
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9:18 pm
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OH GOD.
I just wrote my resignation letter.
While listening to the news talking about layoffs and skyrocketing unemployment.
Sometimes, I think I must be asking for it.
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| Sunday, March 8th, 2009
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10:51 am - Mission 101 Update
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I figure I should actually post about my progress.
I don't feel like I've made very much at all, and I'm hoping writing about it will push me to do a little more. Since today's weather involves blowing snow and a -30'C windchill, I am going to be hiding and working on indoor goals today!
( To the progress, or lack thereof: )
So, overall... lots of things in progress, but very little actually completed. I think today I will continue cleaning out the apartment, and this week I'll make an appointment to donate blood. But I've got a long way to go, and I feel like time is just slipping through my fingers...
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| Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
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9:55 pm - Making progress and such.
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Well, I've put in my application at UBC.
BSc Natural Resources Conservation.
Not that it actually means I'm moving to Vancouver, mind you. It's just that the application deadline is February 28, and I figured I'd better get it in just in case.
I'm fine with going to U of A again too, but I have some more time to apply there. As for any of the other innumerable places I could end up, I haven't looked into them yet.
Looks like Elko, Nevada is out. Which is, frankly, a relief. ^____^
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| Monday, February 9th, 2009
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9:02 pm - But I can still eat corn on the cob! (if someone mashes it up into a fine paste)
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So today I made the mistake of being all feminist and trying to pull some pallets out of the warehouse by myself, but some of them were broken and then the one I ended up with weighed a ton.
So the end result was... nothing of interest for two hours. Then BANG. Intense back pain!
Yoowww I threw my back out. I came home and lay still for like an hour but that made it worse and then I could barely move.
Well anyway I'd just like to say that I'm mad because I'm getting OLD and will probably pull back muscles now every time I left something heavier than my purse. Or so I've been led to believe.
Now I'm gonna have to miss dance tomorrow. But I can't even imagine trying to do a torso circle right now!
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| Sunday, January 11th, 2009
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10:04 pm - Frustrations, again
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Okay, so you want to do something good. You want to be a positive force in the world. And hey, saving the rainforest is a good thing! Plus the added bonus of living in the rainforest!
But then you get beaten down by the hordes of for-profit, slickly marketed "voluntour" companies while searching for just such an opportunity.
And finally you find one, and it looks WONDERFUL... reforestation, conservation, biological monitoring, environmental education, and hell, doing construction in the local community to boot. And it looks awesome, and they don't charge you an arm and a leg, but a reasonable amount to feed and house you for a while while you work for them.
I found such a place, and I was really happy, until today I stumbled upon something...
It's too good to be true?
This article doesn't refer to the reserve I was planning on going to itself, but it is part of a network owned by this foundation. And while the truth of this article isn't necessarily proven, it's really disheartening.
You try to do something good in a far away place, and next thing you know, you're working for Pfizer.
I hate you, globalization!
Back to the trip drawing board. AGAIN.
(okay, it's an exaggeration, but I just want to do some conservation work, plant some trees etc... and NOT be associated with big corporations in any way. It really defeats the purpose. Finding lifesaving drugs is one thing, but copyrighting genetic material and outlawing other uses of plants is another. Not to mention paying your employees!)
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| Friday, January 9th, 2009
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8:06 pm - Mission 101
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Well I posted my list to the mission_101 livejournal community, but I forgot to post it here!
You make a list of 101 things you'd like to accomplish in the next 1001 days. (the community is open until Jan 15 if anyone else is interested!) Anything you want! My list is ambitious, but I don't expect to achieve ALL of them. But it's good motivation, and for some reason I LOVE making lists!
So... here's my list! I'm not quite up to 101 yet, to be honest. I want the last ones to be good ones...
( Things Christine would like to do with her life )
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| Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
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10:33 am - 2008 in Retrospect
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Well the year is pretty much over. Tomorrow is my birthday. With the end of the year and my birthday coinciding, I always end up thinking a lot about where I am in my life.
Last year, I turned 25 and realized suddenly that my life had pretty much gone absolutely nowhere for the past 3 years. And this scared me. I don't want to be one of those people who just lives day to day and suddenly notices that their entire life has passed them by.
That said, I didn't make a huge amount of progress in 2008, because nearly everything I did was in preparation for 2009, which is going to be a big one for me.
I got up to level 3 bellydance which makes me pretty happy. I haven't taken tribal fusion yet, which I mean to. I might in January, though I'm concerned about the cost (less of the class itself, more the costuming). I'm stilly enjoying it a lot - especially with it being more challenging and faster. I hope to venture into a workshop sometime soon. It's nice to have a hobby that actually requires me to move and be with people, as most of my other hobbies are solitary and don't involve much moving around.
As for school, I only took 2 courses this year, because I realized I was pushing myself a bit too hard and getting really stressed out. I took Wildlife Biodiversity and Conservation, which required me to learn a bazillion Latin names, many of which I have already forgotten. (But I remember some!) And then I took Sociology of Environment and Development, which made me furious with the world but was very rewarding.
I've decided I will most likely apply to both U of A and UBC for this coming September, though I have to get in contact with both to find out roughly how long it will take to finish a degree. Starting in September means I have to cut back my travel plans a bit in order to be able to pay for tuition in the fall. So it doesn't look like I'll be doing an RTW anymore, though I'll still be travelling just as long.
Almost all signs now point towards volunteering in Ecuador.
Back to 2008, I finally was able to visit more of Canada. I had always disliked that I'd only ever seen Western Canada and had never been east of Winnipeg. So Deb and I ventured off to the East Coast, which was great, and even though it's so far away, it still had the same Canadian feel to it.
Won NaNoWriMo for the third time in a row, this time with the added bonus of actually FINISHING my novel. Woo hoo!
\I did NOT do the 50 Book Challenge this year, and that's a good thing as I was so stupidly busy I only read 25 books. By far my favourite of those was The Count of Monte Cristo. I have a major crush on the Count. I also greatly enjoyed Anne Bishop's Black Jewels Trilogy despite the fact that it was super cheesy. I mean REALLY cheesy. But it was my kind of brain candy.
Ooh and finally I actually started painting again, a hobby I just hadn't found time for in a few years. So yay for that!
I've decided to do Mission 101 2009. The community is on LJ spotlight. Since next year is going to be so big for me I figure it's a nice thing to do. You think of 101 goals, and you have 1001 days to achieve them.
So I'm writing my list right now. I'll probably post it tomorrow.
I am looking forward to the new year!
current mood: hopeful
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| Sunday, December 28th, 2008
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9:08 pm
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Well Christmas was quiet but nice.
But I have to say I'm really annoyed. Now that mom and dad seem aware that I do indeed intend to travel all summer, they are less than happy. And they are VERY unhappy with the idea of me travelling alone anywhere, for any length of time.
For some reason, I'm a "target" and I'll get kidnapped/raped/sold. Sure everyone else does it, but *I* can't. What a nice blow to my self confidence! Sure I don't WAN'T to travel alone, but when push comes to shove and people back out on you, it's either go alone or don't go.
That said, anyone in the mood for a trip between Germany and Istanbul this spring?
Ugh, my plans are turning out disastrously before they even become proper plans...
current mood:  irritated
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| Thursday, December 18th, 2008
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9:48 pm - Decisions are hard.
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Someone said on the Lonely Planet forum the other day: "You can have anything you want in life, you just can't have it all at once".
Well hell, I just want it all at once. I can't decide.
One thing IS decided: that I will travel for four months next year, roughly from late April to late August. I have been obsessively saving for years for this. After countless hours of pouring over information on flights, tours, volunteer opportunities, train routes etc, I came to a decision. And then I changed my mind. And then I changed again.
My most recent decision was a Round-the-World trip starting in Japan, involving the Trans-Siberian Railway and Eastern Europe. I was incredibly excited about this.
But I've run into some major hurdles. First of all, this trip would be bloody expensive! (eg, the exchange rate for the yet right now is TERRIBLE). But I do have the money to pay for it... It's another hurdle that is a bit bigger:
I want to go back to school full time. And I've been waffling over when to start, thinking I could do temp work or something for a while and replenish my money. But... would that be a waste of time? When I could potentially start in September?
I'm lusting over a certain program at UBC, should I happen to end up there. Or there's a perfectly acceptable program here at U of A if we stay here.
I could travel for four months elsewhere for MUCH less money. I could come home with at least enough to pay for a semester's tuition if nothing else. For example, if I went back to one of my original plans, I could spend two whole months volunteering at the amazing looking La Hesperia Biological Station for a fabulously low cost of $800 US.
And even after all these months my sister is STILL waffling on whether or not she wants to even go! I'm not even sure I can decide at all until she lets me know.
But I had gotten myself SO excited about Japan! (what were all those Japanese classes for anyway?) And Turkey! (thoughts of Istanbul pretty much turn me on)
I seriously think that I need to have this decision taken out of my hands. I don't know if I will ever make it on my own! I'm blinded by uncontrollable lust to travel EVERYWHERE.
SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO ALREADY.
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| Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
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9:16 pm - Yeah well this is pretty well pointless!
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| Friday, November 21st, 2008
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6:09 pm - Farewell
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Goodbye, Boomer, faithful farm dog! For nearly fifteen years you were my constant (and often only) companion while I went traipsing through the forest. You will be missed.
current mood:  sad
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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11:28 am - On elections, hopelessnes, and exhaustion (x-posted to facebook)
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I have become way too emotionally involved in political issues lately. And I've been feeling guilty about it with a lot of people complaining about Canadians caring too much about US politics.
Thankfully, nobody can accuse me of not caring about the recent Canadian election, even though I, like most Canadians, didn't want an election and was rather cynical about it. I felt it was simply strategic planning on Harper's part and the end result was pretty much a given. None of the leaders were particularly inspiring. Still, I watched the debates, read the articles, I voted, and on election night when the rest of the country went just as expected, I sat on the edge of my seat in excitement as Linda Duncan pulled off a major victory in my riding for the NDP. I was *ecstatic* that we had managed to do something almost impossible and oust a Tory from Alberta.
But this semeseter I've been taking a class on the environment and development and it's hitting me hard. While Canada stagnates and can't seem to do anything important (minority governments, perhaps?), the entire world is becoming increasingly fucked up. And it all somehow seems to point back to developed countries meddling with third world countries for their own benefit. We are *forcing* our political values on other countries, not giving them aid unless they privatize industry, sending in our own corporations and siphoning off resources from them, leaving little for them but dependency on us for cash. Poverty and degredation in the global south don't exist because the countries are inept. They are basically trapped in a cycle.
Now when I think of privatization I think of a sniper standing behind police lines in Bolivia, picking off protesters with a rifle - protesters who were fighting for the right to a substance nobody can live for more than a few days without (water). And when I think of American foreign policy I think of the US providing weapons and money to one country so that it can invade a tiny neighbouring country and massacre a third of its population...
Basically I've been feeling utterly helpless and hopeless lately.
But things like this are why I care so much about the US election. The status quo has been hugely damaging for the world. It's not that I think there's going to be a huge change as a result of this election - I'm way too pessimistic for that. But it is hugely symbolic. It makes me feel not completely alone in thinking the world needs to go in a new direction.
With John McCain putting derisive air quotes around issues like "the environment", and "women's health" as though they were nothing, with idiots like Sarah Palin wanting to push their religious beliefs on everyone without regard for the situation, and all the lying and fear-mongering "us vs them" attitudes, I couldn't look away. Not to mention some of the crazy supporters, saying things like:
"Obama scares me because of his name!"
"If he gets elected he's going to put on a turban, let all the Arabs in the White House and we'll all be shot!"
"He's a Socialist/Communist/Marxist" (usually said by someone who has no idea what those words mean).
On the other hand, Obama himself, who is calm, rational, and intelligent. He's inspiring and a wonderful speaker. And he's black - a sign that things can and do change. Historically speaking, we are not far removed from the days of slavery and public lynchings.
The world's still not going to change much. But for one evening, even I felt a little bit of hope again. And as a result of my emotional exhaustion over the past several months I broke down and started crying during Obama's acceptance speech. We need more politicians to spread the same message of hope and acceptance.
At any rate, Canada will probably have yet another election in the next couple years. And I'll still feel pretty hopeless, but I will still care.
So that's my defense for caring! Feel free to rip it to shreds!
current mood:  exhausted
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| Saturday, November 1st, 2008
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8:53 am - Hoooollly crap!
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So due to November 1st falling on a Friday this year, there was a NaNoWriMo All-nighter at the Strathcona Library, which I of course attended, with Justen.
When the clock struck midnight, I had NO IDEA what my first scene was going to be. Basic plotline - yes. Specific scene - no. So I decided to set my novel in Scotland and started rambling about a place on the Isle of Skye I went to. Whatever works!
Fell asleep with my head on my desk between 4:55 and 5:10 in the morning. Otherwise, no sleep for me. We had word wars going every 20-30 minutes or so all night long, so it was a bit insane.
End result: 5346 words before sunrise on November 1st. That pretty much blows my previous first day records out of the water!
I think my novel is going to be fun this year. It will probably not be GOOD, but it will be fun. And that's the more important thing really, as none of my novels are ever likely to see the light of day anyway.
It's 9am now and I am home but not quite feeling like sleeping anymore. We'll see how the day goes.
current mood:  productive
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| Thursday, October 16th, 2008
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11:18 pm
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Well of course Gogol was amazing as expected, however I must reiterate my hate for the Edmonton Events Centre.
I had to jump ship and leave the front after only 3 songs because of the absolute earsplitting speakers. Even further back it was unbearable.
24 hours later Case and I still both have ringing in our ears. Mine still hurt. I've never had it past the first night. Apparently for most people it goes away within a few days, but sometimes it doesn't. Tinnitus can be permanent and there's no cure.
I feel so stupid for not bringing earplugs because I usually have in the past! But the last few concerts I've been to have been at a more reasonable decibel.
At any rate I'm a little worried, particularly for Case as his are ringing louder.
So in short:
Yay Gogol! Boo venue.
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| Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
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1:32 pm - Dammit!
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So I come back from lunch, and my coworker comes up to me and says:
Sandy : Margaret Atwood is in the store!
Me: WHAT!?
Sandy: She's at cash signing books!
*Christine runs to the desk and grabs her purse, figuring she'll have to buy a book if she wants one signed. She runs up to cash and there's absolutely nobody there, not even cashiers.
She had already left! I saw Ross, our trade/special events manager and asked him how long she was here. Just in and out apparently. Guess I took my break at the wrong time!
But in consolation he said that there's tickets on reserve for the bookstore at her lecture at the Winspear tonight, and I can take them if I want.
So I'm skipping dance to go to her lecture tonight. Hope she does a book signing there, otherwise I'll be really mad about my missed opportunity to meet her! >_<
Now I need someone to come with me... hmmm...
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mizraelle's journal